she's been running ... and now she's driving

Just pulled three kids out of bed at 4:45am and waved goodbye (their mother also went, for the record).

Only about 7.9 seconds of fussing from Edmund, who doesn't quite get what is going on, but senses from his sisters that It Is Going To Be Awesome.

Mary took about three minutes of snuggling and kissing to wake up, and at the same moment her eyes opened her mouth did too, and I would guess that even if she has dozed off in the car she is still smiling that ear-splitting wild and fierce Mary Sue grin of absolute energy and joy.

Lucy woke up with a jolt at 9:30pm and came running out to make sure we hadn't forgotten to wake her up. We convinced her that we wouldn't forget to bring the kids. 7 hours later she took about 0.13 seconds to wake up and start talking about it. She stood in the bathroom cleaning her nose with a tissue (Lucy is getting to be a little lady, don't you know) and telling me all about what was about to happen in half sentences and words that didn't quite make sense individually.

WHAT IS HAPPENING, YOU ASK?

Only the greatest thing possible: A Going To See Cousins. That is: Cousin Katelyn, Cousin Danny, Cousin Sandy, and God-sister Katherine. Prepare yourselves, southern California: you're about to get hugged and grinned and bounced and squealed to death.

(And, oh yes, grandparents, uncles, aunties, and godparents: everyone is excited about you too, but cousins and god sisters and babies -- little people -- are IT right now, and you'll just have to live with that!)

So, Rosie will be supervising a lot of happy playtime in the drier, warmer part of California. I'm staying up by the Bay to spend Saturday night here. Ok, I'll also be working ... at my library desk job, and all of the academic-y things that I am spending my youth on. Actually the seminar I am teaching is meeting here on Monday, so perhaps on Sunday I'll do a post of some of the things I'll be showing the undergrads (since some of the texts have photos uploaded) ... and yes, you WILL find it FASCINATING. Then on Monday night I'll fly down to join in the HUGE PARTY that will be The Chino Hills House. READY OR NOT, HERE WE COME!

running

I have a new obsession: running.

I've been jogging with the kids, but not because I love running necessarily. I just knew I felt better when I did it even though I hated doing it.

But 3 weeks ago, that changed. I struggle with panic attacks, and although I'm not going to say more than that, it has been hard since coming back from England. I spoke with a retired psychologist at church a few weeks ago about it and he asked, "How often do you exercise?"

"I jog 3 times a week and walk twice a week."

"That's not enough. It's a start, though. You need to get real heart pumping exercise as much as possible."

So, I gave it a try. I ran 5 times that week plus the 2 walks to and from class. I covered 20 miles and I felt great. So, after that, I decided that I would make 18-20 miles a week my goal. I am proud to say that I have been making that goal and I have had one panic attack in that period of time. I had been having an average of 2-3 a week. The endorphins make a huge difference.

Now I love running. It hurts like hell when I jog 3 miles with the kids, but I feel great afterwards. Not just physically, but emotionally. And it is the emotional high that has proven to be extremely tangible for me that has really transformed my attitude towards running and exercise.

And those days when I feel anxious or out of it, I know that after I run it will change and I am thankful for such a simple solution.

Hats off to Dale for the tip. It has been a great blessing.

boggling blues

There are parts of living an academic life that I love, but the one thing I don't love is the way it screws with your sense of rhythm! There is the pre-term stress, the mid-semester blues, the end-of-term crunch and then the it's-all-over-and-I-am-incapable-of-doing-anything-constructive period.

Guess which one we're in?

And, yes, I do say we because every academic spouse knows that such stress is contagious. Although, the mid-semester blues isn't necessarily stress. Or, maybe it is, but it is the kind of stress that incapacitates you...like swimming in the sea with no shore in sight. Blugh. I hate swimming when you can't see the seashore!!!

Sally sells seashells by the seashore.

What?! I guess that is an example of what this stress does to your mind. It boggles it.

So, yes, that's us right now. We're boggled. How 'bout you?

boredom they knoweth not

Apparently this is the coolest game EVER because it occupied my kids for twenty minutes. All three of them. I thought it was quite dull but then, hey, I'm a boring 29 year old with NO imagination.

So here's the game. Are you ready? Are you sitting on the edge of your seat yet?

ONE child (preferably between the ages of 2 and 5) takes a piece of cardboard and holds it over his or her eyes. Then that child yells, "Say cheeeessse!"

TWO children (again, preferably between the ages of 2 and 5) stand opposite of child ONE and then.....can you guess?.....are you on the edge of your seat?......'cause then those children say......"CHEEEEEEESE!"

Man, that was exciting. But the best part is YOU GET TO TAKE TURNS HOLDING THE CARDBOARD!!!

Wow.

I'd post some of their photos but, unfortunately, you can't upload cardboard.

Broken Bodies

I am annoyed. And no offense to any of you who are annoyed by my annoyance.

I am sick of the H1N1 hype. You are either getting the "vaccinate or you will kill your children!" or "don't vaccinate or you will kill your children!" these days (excuse the *slight* exaggeration, but it is to emphasize the passion from both sides). It is quite tiring. In reflecting on my severe annoyance with both doctors and anti-vaccine campainers, I have realized that my annoyance with both camps is exactly the same.

Both communities are aiming for perfection. The medical community aims for perfect health through modern science. The anti-vaccine community aims at perfect health through using 'nature's gift' (and some Christians in this community use the basis of 'pre-fall' perfection as their guide which I find problematic).

Good health is obviously a wonderful goal and we, as good stewards, should seek healthy lifestyles. However, there is the reality that we live in a sick world with broken bodies and that, by default, our bodies cannot be perfect.

So what do we do? It is here that I will lean upon one of my favorite virtues in these modern times: moderation. There is no perfect path to perfect health. Both sides have valid arguments and, so, in a sense, there is no wrong decision. What matters is your attitude and why you do things. This is the area in which we should seek moderation: moderation in that we practice self-control in regards to our emotions and not let fear make decisions for us. Moderation in that we balance our passions with reason.

Making decisions out of fear is not virtuous. And I will argue that this is the root of many decisions made in regards to health. Fear of getting sick. Fear of reacting to vaccines or medicines. In many ways, fear drives both these campaigns. Fear and idealism (as I mentioned above).

So what can we do? I think this is the hardest part. I do think that we, as an educated society, have an obligation to make informed decisions regarding our health. In making these decisions, I think it is vital to try to make them as logically as possible. I also think that weighing pros and cons in terms of individual health and communal health is a part of being good stewards. Now, what decision you come to after this isn't the point. The point is NOT to make decisions based on fear. It is fear that overshadows rationality and prevents us from making wise decisions. If we make decisions with fear, we are not trusting God.

We will one day be perfected. But that will be through the grace of God. I have spent too much wasted energy focusing on making *perfect* decisions so my children can have *perfect* lives and fearing the result of making *wrong* decisions. Energy that would have been better focused on prayers, fasting and almsgiving.

messy and happy

I am sorry to say it, but you are likely to be disappointed. I am about to say the words that we modern mothers are never to say.

I give up.

It has taken over 5 years, but I am starting to finally accept the fact that my house will always be a mess. It doesn't matter if I spend 5 hours cleaning it every morning. It really doesn't. I promise you that by bedtime the mess is guaranteed to be the same as it was before my efforts began in the wee hours of the day.

It is just pointless. I don't know if my kids turn into little sprites once I pull out the vacuum but it's like they know. They know that there is a crazy person inside of me that thinks that cleanliness = control and that if they can just thwart my efforts, they will rule the house.

And, based on that logic, they do rule the house. They run around like crazy people while I demonstrate a different strain of psychosis that has me on my hands and knees chasing them with a wet rag. So I am finally giving up. When it comes right down to it, my grade as a successful mother is not going to be based on how many crumbs are on the floor at any given moment but on the happiness and harmony of and between the individuals who live in our home. (And I promise you that scrubbing the floor lends only satisfaction to myself and does nothing to contribute harmony in this household.)

Not that there is no point to cleanliness. It is a good value to teach children to clean up after themselves and therefore it is necessary to demonstrate to them that I clean up after myself. However, that doesn't then mean that the bar should be perfection. It is not realistic that at the end of each day I should expect every toy to be put away in its proper place, every dish to be clean, the floors to be vacuumed and mopped, the clothes to be all washed, folded and put away, and my desk and table to be completely cleared. Those expectations are a recipe for stress and insanity.

So, therefore, I give up. I refuse to expect for my kids (ages 2, 4 and 5) to not make messes beyond their capacity to clean up as they are still learning how to clean up. I refuse to expect them to not need any help cleaning up. I refuse to allow myself to think that my house is disgusting if the above list is not accomplished. And I refuse to think that I am a failure for lowering my expectations.

If we all head to bed happy with a messy house, it is still a great day.

I am Woman. I am strong.

Last night, Pa and I had a wonderful date night thanks to the generous babysitting offer from our friends, Nathan and Celeste. While Pa and I enjoyed a pint at Triple Rock pub, Indian Food at Ajante and a pipe at the Rose Garden, Nathan and Celeste seemed to have enjoyed our 3 crazy children. Their favorite story from the evening was this:

Nathan (or Celeste. Not sure!): Eat up your salad so you can be strong like Pa!

Lucy: NO. Like Ma!

I've trained them well.

Improvement

Okay. So I didn't run 3 miles.

I ran 4.34. Yep. That is while pushing 56 pounds stroller, 115 pounds children, and about 10 pounds lunch plus water plus camera plus purse. I wish I looked buff to prove it. I don't though.

Fun N' Run

A friend of mine showed me this site last week: http://walkjogrun.net/. It is awesome. You can map your jogging route and find out the exact mileage that you are running. I have been having too much fun this morning mapping a potential route for the day. I've decided to jog to ballet class this morning rather than drive. It is also in an area with less of an incline than where I normally run, so I am going to see if I can run 3 miles today with the pink truck. We shall see if I am successful.

Pa related the following story to me this morning. It occurred after he had given Gus his vitamins (which are gummy fish) and breakfast:

Gus: Pa, what is?

Pa: A vitamin.

Gus: No, Pa. What is?

Pa: A fish.

Gus: YES! Nemo fish. (holds open is mouth wide and makes a big monster sound and eats the fish.) Mmm. Eat Nemo. (Big grin).

splatterpops and jellybeans part deux

Eight months ago, Pa and I had one of our vaccine discussions and bravely (insanely?) brought it to blogland. After much more thought, we made the needling plunge. Before explaining why, let's have some fun and see how it went!

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Visit 1 (yesterday):

Big Sister Lu took the helm and went first to demonstrate bravery. Oh BOY! was she successful! She got 2 shots. After each one, she yelled, "OUCH!" and laughed. When she was told she was done, she sat up and said, "I'm SO brave!"

Poor Mary was not encouraged by her sister but rather freaked out. Mary has never handled watching other people get hurt well. The first time Lucy puked, it was Mary who ran around the house screaming her head off. So need I say that Mary freaked out before she was even shot? Yep.

Visit 2 (today):

The Little Man is up. Shot one simply caused confusion. Mary started crying in the background. I believe this might have set Edmund off because his screaming started then. I asked Mary not to watch. So she turned around and tried desperately not to cry. How hard she did cry, I do not know because Edmund was trying to explode my eardrums.

However, none of the reactions were bad enough that a little popcorn and ice cream couldn't help and Mary is already discussing how she'll bring a waterbottle next time to help her be brave.

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All righty, then! So yesterday, I took the girls to get the MMR and discuss possible other vaccines. I ended up getting them the H1N1 vaccine while there as I have learned that 8 kids have died at Children's Hospital in Oakland in the last couple weeks who were otherwise healthy from the Swine Flu. Given that Pa and I are in daily contact at the University and have a high likelihood of catching it ourselves at some point, we decided it seemed wisest to vaccinate the kids for it.

We are also getting the DTaP and Polio. Edmund, in fact, had all 4 this morning (we were uncertain yesterday when we took in the girls and they will get their's at next month's appointment).

Why the sudden change, Crunchy Ma? Why these? Well, Pa and I have never been utterly anti-vaccine. We have simply been extremely wary given how many have been added to the schedule since we were children. We probably have been overly cautious. But we are content with our decision now and are glad that we waited with all the kids. If we are blessed with more children, we plan on delaying vaccination as well. Also, since we homeschool and I stay at home, our kids aren't exposed as much as kids are in daycare and whatnot, and so we believe we do have a luxury of waiting that a lot of other families do not have.

I explained before why we finally decided on the MMR. We are getting the DTaP for the same reasons regarding Pertussis. It is always around here in Berkeley because of the international community. The DTaP vaccine is also different then it was when we were children (my MIL had informed us when Lucy was a baby that my SIL had reacted as a child and we have been very wary of this vaccine for that reason. However, we made sure it wasn't the same vaccine). We have always figured we'd get the kids polio at some point because we will eventually be traveling to China and Hong Kong to visit Pa's family. So, since we are getting the others now, we have decided that we might as well get this one too.

Regarding all the other vaccines? Well, Lucy has outgrown them all and Mary is right on the cusp. Yep, all the others are geared either towards children under 2 or children under 5 (except Varicella but all 3 of our kids have had the chicken pox already). HIB is the only one left to consider and that would be for Edmund only. We have not decided on that one yet.

No reactions. Not even crankiness (well, at least after the popcorn was distributed). So, we're all good over here.

Halloween

Looking for some activities to do with your little ones on October 31st? Head on over to my Orthodox Church Year blog for some ideas.

Toothy Grins

I don't need a run today. Pride for my kids is giving me enough happy endorphins.

Today marked the day of taking the kids to the dentist for the first time. Thanks to my awesome assistant, K, we managed to get all 3 kids through the line up with no screaming or tears. Dare I say it? I think they like the dentist.

There was a moment where all could have gone awfully wrong. Lucy was the first to go and was obviously a bit nervous. However, K busily distracted the other two with lipstick (what better tool!?) while I massaged Lucy's legs with one hand and told her how great she was doing. She stayed calm but the attitude change really came when the dental assistant told her she could take a brand new Ariel toothbrush home. Need I say that the dental visit was no problem from there on out?

Mary was so excited that as soon as the dentist called her name, she opened her mouth real wide (this is before she was even in the seat, mind you) and did not shut it again till she was told she was all done 10 minutes later.

When it came time for their tooth x-rays, they didn't even need their ol' Ma and asked K to escort them in 'cause K is apparently cool and I am soooo not. They were too brave to need me.

I am so proud of my kiddos. It is moments like this that make me think that Pa and I might actually be good parents....which is a good thing since we breed like rabbits.

splatterpopping and jellybeaning again

The blog might be boring this week but I PROMISE next week should have some good stories.

Why?

Monday will mark the first dental appointment for all the kids. Yep, sad, I know. The reason for the girls' delay is that at first we were told you don't take your kids to the dentist till they're 3. So we waited. Then our insurance at the time Lucy turned 3 had no dentists in the area that would take kids under 5. So we waited again. The next year involved the switching to medical crisis. So, the visit was delayed again. Then we moved to England and dental appointments were hard to come by. But now Lucy is 5 and we will finally take her to the dentist as well as Mary and Gus. Hopefully there will be no rotten teeth.

Tuesday will mark the beginning of vaccinations. Yes, ladies and gentleman, Lucy and Mary are going to get the MMR and I'm going to talk to the doctor about other possible vaccinations. We are going to wait with Edmund for now. We sort of like the idea of waiting till the kids are older and have more developed immune systems. We will not get polio. We don't plan on getting the DPT. But I'm not sure about the others yet. Our reasoning: well, I guess we're starting to buy the theory of herd immunity with certain diseases. Given the contagiousness of MMR (as we learned in England. Outbreaks occurred at several colleges of the mumps and measles), it seems to make sense to get that vaccine. Not because we fear our own child's health if they got it, but if they did get it, they would probably spread it to a lot of people before we figured it out (given the extreme contagiousness of the diseases before symptoms are even apparent) and that is why we're vaccinating against that one.

The stories to follow. I'm not sure. But I am certain Monday will be interesting as I will be trying to take 3 kids to the dentist all by myself. Any helpers want to volunteer? My husband is teaching a class then.

sweep before you weep

Last night, some neighbors from the building behind us were courteous enough to drop by and warn us that our apartment has a history of flooding when it rains. So bad, in fact, that residents have just up and left.

Uh oh. We, of course, moved any valuables in the area near the sliding door (where the flooding apparently takes place) and did a thorough sweeping outside to make sure the area next to the drain was clear of leaves.

Which causes me to want to ask the old tenants, "Did you ever sweep?"

It has been pouring non-stop since the middle of the night and although there is a slight build-up of water right outside next to the door, it is not at all extreme and is clearly draining enough so that the pool has not increased in size since we first saw it this morning at 7 a.m.

So, old tenants, "Did you ever sweep?"

We sweep daily. If not, our backyard looks like a jungle. We love our yard-let, but it does have the most idiotic tree planted in it. One that sheds buckets of leaves every day. But, if you sweep, it looks fine. And if you sweep the rain drains quite properly.

I'm very glad of this.

I have finally found a hobby

During our Cambridge excursion, I decided to try my hand at knitting. I hate crocheting and sewing has never caught on in the past because it was difficult to do with 3 little ones running around. My friend, Erika, was a knitter and offered to teach me. So off to the Granta Pub we went for my first knitting lesson. Maybe it was fate. Maybe it was the beer. But, whatever it was spiked with, I quickly became addicted and now that I have discovered Ravelry (thank you, Kate!), I have a project queue that I believe will never end.

Knitting is therapy for me. It calms me. It can be conveniently toted around, can easily be picked up or put away. It is fun. Best of all, it gives tangible pleasure. Unlike my cooking therapy which quickly disappears off the plate, my knitting projects actually stick around! There is something delightful in having your children run around in hand-knitted skirts and your husband wearing a hand-knitted tie.

Here's Mary in my latest skirt project (unfortunately this didn't photograph too well. But, believe me, it is a smashing skirt in person):

Right now, I am working on a Swingy Sweater with a lovely olive green yarn.

Next up will be duo projects: Socks (thanks to a lovely present I received in the mail yesterday from my good friend, Heidi, back in Cambridge) and this hat.

I so want to start a knitting circle now. Wanna join?